being mI isn't that easy
||SaNdy||
||22 this year||
||currently at home wasting my dearest mummy's money ||
||17 nov 1986||
||scorpio||
i aDoRe
||myself|| . ||him|| .
||dad|| . ||mum|| .
||one N onli baby brother|| .
||all mah frenz & lover-s|| .
||cats|| . ||dogs|| .
||SHOPPING|| . ||sleeping|| .
||horror movies|| . ||engllish songs|| .
||white colour|| .
||all sort of food|| . ||bubble tea from sweet talk|| .
i HATEs
||cocaroaches|| .
||total darkness|| . ||isolation|| .
||hypocrites|| . ||lies (all sort)|| .
||fattening foods ||
||her|| . ||them|| .
my WISH-es
||his love|| .
||new laptop|| .
||new hp|| .
||lesser nagging from my mum|| .
||sony digital camera|| .
||APPLE i-pod nano|| .
||a new jacket|| .
broken heart has no spare part
07 February 2006
so... this friendship thingy is over... yes, i said it... our 5-6 yrs of friendship thing is over juz like tht... yet i dun wanna blame/point fingers at anyone... oh well, was part of my fault... i m sensitive in a veri special way... u din knoe yet din bother to find out... read ur blog about us... n i would reali b lying to mysle fif i say i m not affected by it at all... but it was ur decision... n i respect tht... i hope u respect mine too... tht , the path tht i m gonna choose... i wun regret... i hope i wun... even if one day if i do, u will never knoe it from mi... like i told u, "i'm not telling u all this again cos i m feeling guilty... cos seriously till now i dun..." ... yea... part of it for letting THE stranger come n interfere wif our prob was my fault... i should have come into ur defence... but at that point of time wif that kind of unstable emotions no-one could say anything out of their mouth... could you ? *no offence here... if you happened to read this*
recap back on our journey of this friendship...
sec2 : knoe this two ah lian from my new class... everyday stay back after school wif them... everynight we would talked over the phone all the things we felt...
sec3 : things started to get bitter between us... small quarrels between dev n zhi occured... yet , i dun feel right to side wif either party...
sec4 : N lvl year... time to treat life seriously...became more mature and the bonding between us grew stronger... i believed in enternal friendship... they were there when i n kuan meng broke up [the most difficlut parting i ever had...]
sec5 : dev no longer same sch as us... zhi became closer to esuko n yin fen... felt hurt n aLone... she was never happy wif all the decisions i made... always show this attitude whenever i was disagreed wif her opinion... yet i din turn to dev cos i dun think it is right to juz turn to her juz cos zhi dun have time for mI... i believed it will all end after sec sch... dev run away from her hse... zhi n I stayed up till 3 am to look for her in Ghim Moh...
poly : new enviroment, new frenz, new thinkings [if there's such pharse]... tot i can forget the past n move on like nth happened... things remain unchange... zhi felt more comfortable wif yin fen den being wif us... my heart still felt the pain... decided to talk to her n tell her about how i feel in some areas... hoping she would understand mi a little bit better... n when she saw wht was in my blog she freak out... she said i wrote wat was not true... but this is how i feel... can u reali help it about wat u feel ? she called up dev n tell her wat happened... dev called mi up n scolded mi cos peizhi was crying... i was on my way up to class from canteen wif dee n group and there i was crying so badly yet dev din seem to notice tht... i din tell her i was crying too as i dun wan anyone empathy... *no offence again... * and i realised tht all the best frenz i tot i have were actually din seem to care how i feel at all...
i let myself N the girls to cool down... i m almost given up this friendship thing... i felt i cant let go... n is i do i m afraid i might regret later... i decided to called them up see how they feel... like wat dev said "no matter how much u pretend there will always b the broken lines between us..." true... n today it seem it can never b mend again... well, now i feel much better... at least i tried to save my friendship... the result come out not to my expectation but i somehow feel lighter...
P.S >
Up To This Day, I Do Not Feel I Should B the One Saying Sorry ...
somthing called Faith @ 12:57 AM
