being mI isn't that easy
||SaNdy||
||22 this year||
||currently at home wasting my dearest mummy's money ||
||17 nov 1986||
||scorpio||
i aDoRe
||myself|| . ||him|| .
||dad|| . ||mum|| .
||one N onli baby brother|| .
||all mah frenz & lover-s|| .
||cats|| . ||dogs|| .
||SHOPPING|| . ||sleeping|| .
||horror movies|| . ||engllish songs|| .
||white colour|| .
||all sort of food|| . ||bubble tea from sweet talk|| .
i HATEs
||cocaroaches|| .
||total darkness|| . ||isolation|| .
||hypocrites|| . ||lies (all sort)|| .
||fattening foods ||
||her|| . ||them|| .
my WISH-es
||his love|| .
||new laptop|| .
||new hp|| .
||lesser nagging from my mum|| .
||sony digital camera|| .
||APPLE i-pod nano|| .
||a new jacket|| .
argh!!
03 May 2006
I really cannot take it anymore. Patience has a limit. Don't think that everytime you see me smiling, I can tolerate. Smiling is just a way to ease the tension. But now I just can't. I'm just too irritated. I don't understand, I tried to be enthusiastic and participative but nobody seems to notice. I hate this kinda feeling. It's just like... in secondary school. At least that time, I still have my library teachers to appreciate me. Now? I doubt so. Friends.. I just don't seem to get what i expect. Maybe I don't have the money. Maybe I don't have the freedom. Or maybe I just don't have the people. Read some blogs and i'm kinda jealous. Somehow, they either have the money or have the people. But I have none. Ambiguous. Means what? Means confused. Duno what he want. I want break off. Break off from ambiguous-ism. Either yes or no. So difficult meh? Hint so much also dun understand. I'm trying really hard but no one notices. I guess it's just not hard enough. Okay. Wait and see. Maybe I should just go join some sorta cliques then be happier. Maybe other people won't be happy but at least I'm happy. Care so much about others in the end get a whole pile of shit. Ignore them be ruthless and selfish still can enjoy life. Idiot. What has this world become?
Even if I have problems about u [most of the time].. I still end up turning to you for company. It's this pathetic. Without you, I duno how I'll be. Yet I don't want it to be like this. It's just not right. I dun wanna just have someONE. I wanna have... i duno how to say...
Recalled about certain events. Can't believe on what happened. So people hate me. They just hate me. Maybe they don't say so but they do. I feel so unjust. I don't deserve it. I tried my best to help everyone whenever I can and this is the shit i get? I wasn't biased. I know who was wrong. I wasn't defending him. I just stayed by him when everyone else were condemning him. So that's what I was wrong? And what I said, what I clarified, weren't even supposed to mix with that day's event. They are two separate issues! It's true, I've always been lending a listening ear when anyone needs me but not getting any form of respect or gratitude in return. It's really saddening. Perhaps I'm still a tool after all. A tool in which people use and throw aside until needed again. A tool people complains about once i get less useable yet no one tries to bring me back to my original condition. I need the form of assurance too. Don't u get it? Even a tool needs sharpening. It's not just about u. You dun understand how much burden i have to carry. For you, it could be one, yours. But for me, it's definitely more than 1.. and it's increasing as time passes. What the hell am i doing? You won't even understand.
somthing called Faith @ 11:15 PM
