youAREmyBUTTERFLY;

{ Wat the hell m I writing ? }
25 August 2005

Feel sad... Feel damn lousy... Feel f**k up... Feel so alone... Feel like nobody care... Feel like nobody there to share... Feel lost... Feel regretted... Feel confused... Feel abandoned... Feel sleepy... Feel hungry... Feel angry...

U name it I felt it...

I visited peizhi's blog... Feel sad... I reali wan her back... As a best frenz at least... But i dun think there is any second chance 4 mi liao ba... Cried so hard ytd... Juz 2 make mi feel better... Juz 2 confirm tt I'm all alone...

My mood was down this morning since the time I open my eyes... I m damn angry at myself for putting so high hope 4 ytd... he told mi tt he would try rush his project den will fetch mi after my work... I was like " wahhh!!!! reali ? " ... I was reali hoping secretly that he would gimme a surprise by showing up but in the end I hurt myself... I told myself manytime not to put too much hopes on things but this time I lost it... May b he coming to fetch mi is too important 2 mi ba... I cried after my work all the way from Far East plaza to Orchard Mrt... Could u imagine ? Luckily, it was dark along the way... Whenever i see couples holding hands teasing to each other i envy them alot... It seem like I have a bf in name but nth more 2 show tt he is mine... I dun even have photo of us together... It's sad to think about all this but It's all true... I told myself... (U were hurt coz u allow it to hurt u... if u dun allow urself to get hurt by anyone u won't hurt anymore...) ... I dunno wat does tt suppose 2 meant but it seem cool...

I feel so bad nia... Slacking my way thru... hehe... but reali no mood to work lor... haix

somthing called Faith @ 9:43 PM

{dun phunk wif my heart...}
23 August 2005

One of my Ex who broke up wif mi once had started to say those werid stuff like how much he is sorry 4 breaking my heart and how much he regretted it and stuff... Omg... Wtf... He is the one who walked out of my life and now he wan mi back ?

I dun understand guys.. I reali dun... I tried many time understanding them but to no avail... I tot I understand ger but in fact no, I dun... Actually , I dun understand peep... Most of them r pretending 2 b someone else... Nobody can b trusted... It's harsh but It's true... Up to you 2 judge mi the way you wanna... But I'll be still who I am... True to myself... True to my heart... This is the best way to live your life... Trust mi and try it yourself...

End of semester soon... I'm gonna miz my klassmates and frenz(dj_as)... Gotta prepare myself 4 new semester again to meet new klassmates , to start everything afresh... God ... pls pull mi thru this... I need ur help and guidance...

I love him... I love him as much as i love myself... But sometime Can't help but feel insecured... haix... M i thinking too much again ? I wish I'm ba... He's everything tat I ever wanted thus sometime I think reali have 2 believe in each other... I'm not sure whether I'm the right one he need...

My life has been much better since tat time I talked 2 my mum about things tat I bottom up inside... She try her best 2 understand my situation also... I heart her for tat... She had been veri understanding and tolerating to both my bro and mi... Sometime I reali feel veri bad 4 her when we made her mad... But sometime she made us mad !!! haha...

Ok lah... Seem like I've got lots of things to open up within mi... But for now, this should b enuff ba...

somthing called Faith @ 11:27 PM

{ He is sick }
20 August 2005

I feel so sorry for him and feel like a veri useless girlfriend... He had been relying on mi on most of his stuffs and I jux recently found out that he oso relied on mi during work as well... awww... how sweet... heh =) ... actually, it can b add as my motivation ba... sometime It's juz veri hard not to worry tat he will walk out of my life... but frankly speaking , I had prepared 4 it lor...

It's sad... But it's true... I'm broke and so is he... It's veri hard 2 survive in this kind of situation... Can't go out / Can't buy things I want / Can't even eat my KFC ... argh... I wanna buy this bag from Far East plaza which is like $35 and also this shoe which I reali think sooooo cute but haix ... I needa change my whole wardrobe also... I need to change the way my dressing is... I need to chnage lots of stuff... argh...

somthing called Faith @ 5:10 PM

I feel so pissed... ytd, he went out wif his frenz den din even bother to sms mi... i don ask for much but den at least sms mi lah... as if i nv exists in his life... wtf.... i'm still veri angry... i can't care much liao nor think much about this relationships... as if i'm the 1 hoping that it will work out but wat about him ?

I created this blog 4 him yet he dun even have time to come and see wat I wrote... i knoe his com having problems... but when he is at lan shop or wat , he can at least go in and see lor... and leave footprint showing he was here... but he din and i doubt he ever will ba...

dear... i'm sorry if u see mi using harsh words here but this is wat i'm feeling rite now... but i reali wan u 2 knoe tat i love u veri veri veri much... but i'm hurt...

somthing called Faith @ 6:15 AM

18 August 2005

I'm so angry... I wanna change my blogskin but den it was like so jamm... haiz... 4get it man... this skin has lesser problem... haha... today, i reali slacking all the way... I've been in jackie's group for monday and tuesday then finally today i'm in different group as him...it is reali finally... lolx...
I was kinda in depression these few days and started back on smoking... But i reali dun feel like doing it though... Once somebody told mi that no matter where I fall , the pair of hands will be wif mi along... Tks to that person , I am finally able to pull myself up once again... That person is none other den my "good sister"... haha... U knoe whu U r...
I cried ytd nite... I called him many times yet he din pick up... I tot he was ignoring mi... But so glad to found out he was fallen asleep... phew... lolx... But i felt much better now after crying so hard ytd... haha... feel more delight , more energentic...

somthing called Faith @ 1:00 AM

15 August 2005

I'm so angry sia... My stupid boss cut down my working hour... 1 week 2 days... How can I earn money this way? I was so piss off yesterday... Even my dar dar schedule was cut for new aunties ! ... The new aunties dun even know what has to be done or need to be done... I'm juz so pissed...

My dar dar promised tat he would change for better... I need to wait and see... I reali hope he will change ba... I love him too much but I juz can't stand the way he has been treating mi... hmmm..... to be continue...................

somthing called Faith @ 8:20 PM

12 August 2005

I am sad... Things don't turn out the way I pray... I need motivation... I need support... But most of all I need U... You know who you are, so pls dun pretends you don't.... If god really exits, then why hasn't he been watching over me? I'm fighting this 'war' alone... Now I'm really getting sick and tired of being the ONE fighting for something... I just feel like I can't go on like this... I dun wanna feel the way i'm feeling now... I'm so lonely sometime but nobody seem to care...

My family problem seem taking over mi... I'm stuck in between... I love my both parents... I dun wanna choose between 2 of them... I hate the way things turn out... Seem like nobody will be with mi till the end... May be it's all destiny ba... It was meant to be... Although i'm veri scare of being alone but in the end I still am alone... Life muz goes on...

I've been thinking about all the things that happened and realised that sometime when It is time for u to let go no matter how tigh u hold on to it, you still have to let it go one day... I've decided I shouldn't worry too much... If it's meant to be urs , It will always be urs... If it's nv meant to be , It will nv be...

somthing called Faith @ 9:22 PM